Gosh I so love the closing: Does friendship feel like pity or a consolation prize? If yes, you might want to unpack why the absence of sex and physical intimacy feels like you’re not getting anything of value.
I feel like I’ve been in every single position of this story - the rejected one, the one with strong boundaries, the one in search of lust filled validation, all of it.
We all have these stories. Thank you for sharing yours.
I love that this was from a males perspective, I have friend zoned a few guys and most have just slowly became strangers again. I remember my ex told me before we were dating if he couldn't be with me he didn't want to be my friend. I was shocked because I feel that women, or at least I hold a different perspective than that. I could still be ones friend after being friend zoned. I have. And maybe it was because the thing I was seeking and connecting with them wasn't physical and instead emotional which could still exist and build in a friendship.
Now again I am hitting about the same date marker with a guy, date 6 and I am fearing its time to tell him I want to remain friends. No chemistry exists on a physical level but there is conversation chemistry , if that makes sense. I value him as a friend, we have similar interests, he's thoughtful, career driven. Just don't feel a spark, not even a low burning flame. I fear telling him I will lose the continuation of friendship I also fear not telling him and wasting time.
Thanks for reading and sharing this comment. If I could give some unsolicited advice, I would encourage you to tell him. Better to tell the truth than have him believe there's hope where none exist.
I've had a very limited number of relationships, having been engaged at 22 and still married 40 years later. But I will say that I have come to really enjoy my female friendships. Generalization here: but on average, I find women more interesting and more compatible as friends than men. This is a recent discovery.
Thanks for writing this! I fully blame Steve Urkel for this. Not just him, but all the shows and movies those of us who grew up in the 80s and 90s watched. They taught us that regardless of how many times a woman tells you “no” or that they’re not interested they’ll cave if you’re persistent enough, show up enough, ignore their words enough. That they don’t know what’s best for them.
the thing is society and twitter have ruined what friend zone is. There’s nothing wrong in being in that zone. But men want to get under every skirt they come across. I know because I was once this way but not anymore. Lot of us need to learn how to control ourselves and not let the man downstairs dictate us else we become slaves to flirty women.
The timing of this post feels perfect. I definitely needed the reminder to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge the expectations I hold, and to instead celebrate my relationships for what they are instead of what I thought they would be
I can only hope to write a phrase as strong as “the outrage of being denied the cheeks” you win 🏆
Gotta wrap the radical honesty in some humor 😂😂
The realness 😩
Thank you for putting yourself and your stories out here bro ✊🏽
Gosh I so love the closing: Does friendship feel like pity or a consolation prize? If yes, you might want to unpack why the absence of sex and physical intimacy feels like you’re not getting anything of value.
I feel like I’ve been in every single position of this story - the rejected one, the one with strong boundaries, the one in search of lust filled validation, all of it.
We all have these stories. Thank you for sharing yours.
The thing is, either the chemistry is there or it isn't. I always loved my male friends. Some of my closest ones have stood the test of time.
You just made me reminisce on my fun, non-commital, dating days. I'm so happy I have the memories.
I love that this was from a males perspective, I have friend zoned a few guys and most have just slowly became strangers again. I remember my ex told me before we were dating if he couldn't be with me he didn't want to be my friend. I was shocked because I feel that women, or at least I hold a different perspective than that. I could still be ones friend after being friend zoned. I have. And maybe it was because the thing I was seeking and connecting with them wasn't physical and instead emotional which could still exist and build in a friendship.
Now again I am hitting about the same date marker with a guy, date 6 and I am fearing its time to tell him I want to remain friends. No chemistry exists on a physical level but there is conversation chemistry , if that makes sense. I value him as a friend, we have similar interests, he's thoughtful, career driven. Just don't feel a spark, not even a low burning flame. I fear telling him I will lose the continuation of friendship I also fear not telling him and wasting time.
Thanks for reading and sharing this comment. If I could give some unsolicited advice, I would encourage you to tell him. Better to tell the truth than have him believe there's hope where none exist.
I appreciate that, I have full intentions on telling him. Thanks again for this post :)
Thanks for reading, and you so lit for that.
I've had a very limited number of relationships, having been engaged at 22 and still married 40 years later. But I will say that I have come to really enjoy my female friendships. Generalization here: but on average, I find women more interesting and more compatible as friends than men. This is a recent discovery.
I’m inclined to agree. Some of my most fulfilling friendships are with women.
Thanks for writing this! I fully blame Steve Urkel for this. Not just him, but all the shows and movies those of us who grew up in the 80s and 90s watched. They taught us that regardless of how many times a woman tells you “no” or that they’re not interested they’ll cave if you’re persistent enough, show up enough, ignore their words enough. That they don’t know what’s best for them.
You are 100% right. That’s really what the friend some was about this whole time. It’s so obvious I don’t know how I and we missed it for so long lol
the thing is society and twitter have ruined what friend zone is. There’s nothing wrong in being in that zone. But men want to get under every skirt they come across. I know because I was once this way but not anymore. Lot of us need to learn how to control ourselves and not let the man downstairs dictate us else we become slaves to flirty women.
I feel like almost everyone has one of these stories to tell, thank you for telling yours!
Loved reading it from your perspective and with such honesty and clarity about your own behaviour. Thank you for leading the way!
The timing of this post feels perfect. I definitely needed the reminder to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge the expectations I hold, and to instead celebrate my relationships for what they are instead of what I thought they would be