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Deziré's avatar

Okay I decided to just post my response here instead:

I wanted to respond to your questions, comments and concerns.

1. You asked - “Dating, engagement, marriage, divorce. Those don't make up a standardized framework? What about dowries or arranged marriages? Are those standardized frameworks?

Yes dating, marriage, engagement, marriage and divorce all have standardized frameworks. These frameworks are set by the current culture, laws, etc.

When I said that “all relationships are customizable” I was speaking to how these standardized frameworks are essentially played out. For example, one couple may date for 6 months, 2 of those months were spent talking, 3 of the months were spent dating (while exploring other options) and then 1 month they were exclusively in a relationship and then they decide to become engaged to be married. That’s just one example. Whereas someone may think this is way too fast and excludes essential steps in the dating process.

Those two or three or more (polyamory) individuals customize the standardized framework to fit how they would like to proceed with the relationship. Of course not all individuals have these type of freedoms such as arraigned marriages.

(For example, I want two husbands 😈)

2. You asked for clarification - “what do you mean by “all men are not a monolith”? Is there a man who exists who does not have the characteristics that would make him a man?

This again goes with your idea that men all want the same five things. That’s a very crazy generalization. You said previously that if you asked 10 different men what they wanted you believed that they would all say the five same things. I disagree because I have asked mutiple men what they have wanted and none of their answers aligned. That is a very bold generalization that reduces men to a monolith. There is a huge variation in personality, culture, identity, ideas and mentalities across men.

The last question is a bit confusing because we get into discussion about what makes a man “a man”. Is he less of man because he’s soft or likes home decor versus playing sports, no his interest are just different than the mainstream or homogenized desires of the current society. So essentially men are not all the same therefore they don’t want the same five things.

3. “Because I wanted to see whether you knew, and if you didn't know, find out why you don't. Cultural thing? Social thing? Personal thing?

Is this inappropriate? I apologize if it is. Please forgive me.”

Yes this is inappropriate. It is not my job to know the five things a man wants. There is a underlying air of superiority and ascendancy to the way you approached the questioning (especially from my perspective as a woman). There is a certain hostility that men have towards women that are self-interested. I think this is due to our society making men feel more superior than they actually are. Whether me not knowing the five things a man wants should have no baring on my cultural, social standing or personal mentality. And this maybe just from my experience as woman we are socialized to believe that if we desire or want marriage, family, male protection, support or community we have to fall in the line of what a man feels is desirable. (or else - oh I’m shaking in my boots 😂)

4. No you weren’t wrong I want a one-sided relationship where I am worshipped as a complete goddess like the cults of Persephone and Demeter. I am really looking for a willing man slave who wants to pay all of the bills and also let me sit on his face and boss him around. I don’t want equality, I want power. 😈

Hope you are having a wonderful evening Chad! 🙌🏾

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