The best advice I’ve received about sex has always been from women. Watching porn and listening to the homies has failed me every time. Gotta drop the ego tho and a lot of young men are afraid to do that
This is so necessary. I write about sex from a female perspective, and am always thrilled when a man subscribes for a different perspective. Sex-ed didn't cut it. Porn is a la-la land and a miseducation for most people on the planet. Religion tries to shut us down and make everyone A-sexual until you're legally wed, and then anything goes. But no one taught us how to be deeply embodied or what consent was. So we've learned to have bad sex. And we can do better. I'm committed to flipping the script.
Hi Sarah, thanks so much for making time to read my post and leave a comment. I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you in the comments. I wrote this post and immediately turned my brain off in case everyone hated it lol.
I really loved this post! So honest and true. I will say that consent works both ways: In hetero sex it isn't just women who need to consent. Men do, too. Really everyone involved, regardless of gender(s), should ask for consent.
Years ago I was a trained, volunteer sex educator. I was often amazed by the things people believed to be true. This was back when people still had land lines; today San Francisco Sex Information (www.sfsi.org) provides free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex and reproductive health to approximately, 9,000 people per year via email and phone. Please spread the word to those you know! There is a great alternative to porn for sex information that is free and easy to access.
Ooo weee good read, I’m a seasoned 42 yo I like my partner about a decade younger. It has become problematic as sex zoned is the mentality from these poor boys. their requests are too adventurous even for me, and their ideas are not their own I’m sure. So the best solution for now is celibacy, which is sad, and unnecessary for all of us involved. As I am looking for an emotional connection not just hooking up.
Wish me luck and society, these wonderful men in all likelihood will not connect enough to have families and will continue the course of superficial fuck boys 🥺
It’s hilarious to me that you recall titles and specific actors. Never saw titles because my viewing history was *cough* scrambled. Nice piece. Reminds me to watch amateurs instead.
I know it wasn’t directly mentioned but these same unrealistic expectations of sex dominate in queer communities, particularly with MSMs. I appreciate you commenting on this because it needed to be said.
I stumbled upon my first porn on accident because someone had taped over the cartoons using our VCR. We won’t go to who or why they didn’t just get a blank tape.
As a young woman, it was a gateway to a lot of shame, guilt, and developing a lot of insecurities about my body that I had never even considered, even as someone who was actively practicing abstinence at the time.
It also didn’t teach me how to vocalize what I wanted in the bedroom with the person I chose to give my virginity too. I only learned that from knowing my own body and exploring what I enjoyed on a personal level.
This is good and you made some great points. We like the fantasy and role playing that comes with it even if we know that we'll never have that same experience.
I better not ever hear of anyone with a palette and more of baby oil. Get that one bottle and sit yo ass down! You got more than one or two bottles and I'm looking at you sideways. Lol
The best advice I’ve received about sex has always been from women. Watching porn and listening to the homies has failed me every time. Gotta drop the ego tho and a lot of young men are afraid to do that
This is so necessary. I write about sex from a female perspective, and am always thrilled when a man subscribes for a different perspective. Sex-ed didn't cut it. Porn is a la-la land and a miseducation for most people on the planet. Religion tries to shut us down and make everyone A-sexual until you're legally wed, and then anything goes. But no one taught us how to be deeply embodied or what consent was. So we've learned to have bad sex. And we can do better. I'm committed to flipping the script.
Hi Sarah, thanks so much for making time to read my post and leave a comment. I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you in the comments. I wrote this post and immediately turned my brain off in case everyone hated it lol.
I really loved this post! So honest and true. I will say that consent works both ways: In hetero sex it isn't just women who need to consent. Men do, too. Really everyone involved, regardless of gender(s), should ask for consent.
Years ago I was a trained, volunteer sex educator. I was often amazed by the things people believed to be true. This was back when people still had land lines; today San Francisco Sex Information (www.sfsi.org) provides free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex and reproductive health to approximately, 9,000 people per year via email and phone. Please spread the word to those you know! There is a great alternative to porn for sex information that is free and easy to access.
Hi Lisa! Its been too long, thanks for commenting and sharing this resource!
Consent and shared pleasure is what sex should be about. Thank you for writing this piece.
Ooo weee good read, I’m a seasoned 42 yo I like my partner about a decade younger. It has become problematic as sex zoned is the mentality from these poor boys. their requests are too adventurous even for me, and their ideas are not their own I’m sure. So the best solution for now is celibacy, which is sad, and unnecessary for all of us involved. As I am looking for an emotional connection not just hooking up.
Wish me luck and society, these wonderful men in all likelihood will not connect enough to have families and will continue the course of superficial fuck boys 🥺
Haha, I hope you eventually found what you were looking for.
Changed my mindset, it’s beneficial!!
It’s hilarious to me that you recall titles and specific actors. Never saw titles because my viewing history was *cough* scrambled. Nice piece. Reminds me to watch amateurs instead.
LMAO, I had to make up some of the titles for the same reasons, but I could never forget Roxy, Luna or Pinky. That was my Big 3! Lol
I know it wasn’t directly mentioned but these same unrealistic expectations of sex dominate in queer communities, particularly with MSMs. I appreciate you commenting on this because it needed to be said.
Thanks for reading and commenting Rickey, and damn. We can't even get a break in LGBTQ+ spaces? We need some real sex education ASAP
I'm screaming at the baby oil.
But seriously thank you for this. This was more of a talk which I got which was…nothing
Bro, SO MUCH BABY OIL! LMAO
“never pull out while in a hot tub”
I’m sorry. But it IS more than I received.
And, thanks for the link to Everyday Feminism.
My father is a legendary treasure trove of ridiculous quotes. Also, I love Everyday Feminism. I'm glad you are enjoying them as well.
I busted out laughing at the part about Brian Pumper cracking eggs and wearing Timbs, because truly, why sir?! lol
I still marvel in amazement that this is a thing that was actually happening.
I stumbled upon my first porn on accident because someone had taped over the cartoons using our VCR. We won’t go to who or why they didn’t just get a blank tape.
As a young woman, it was a gateway to a lot of shame, guilt, and developing a lot of insecurities about my body that I had never even considered, even as someone who was actively practicing abstinence at the time.
It also didn’t teach me how to vocalize what I wanted in the bedroom with the person I chose to give my virginity too. I only learned that from knowing my own body and exploring what I enjoyed on a personal level.
This needs to go viral!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you for reading!
Thank you for this 👏👏 porn is so insidious
Thanks for reading, and it really is!
That baby oil is always excessive 😂
This is good and you made some great points. We like the fantasy and role playing that comes with it even if we know that we'll never have that same experience.
The amount of baby oil that was in early 2000's porn was criminal. You see what that got Diddy! Lol
😂😂
I better not ever hear of anyone with a palette and more of baby oil. Get that one bottle and sit yo ass down! You got more than one or two bottles and I'm looking at you sideways. Lol
😭😭😭😭
Ha! I really enjoyed reading this!!
Thank you for making time to read it!