Oh the happenings of our youth. I hate the social conditioning from birth of what boys and girls should and shouldn’t be like. I hope Jose didn’t let the world dim his rainbow and is somewhere in the world still being his authentic self.
Whew wild how you can send your child off to camp and some adult can totally and complete shatter them with terrible advice and personal bias. Hope Jose is okay wherever he is.
Heartbreaking. For Jose and for you. And yeah, for all the boys who conformed and shut down huge parts of their potentialities and lost access to their full humanity.
Thank you for reading, we have the ability to change the narrative and the expectation of what healthy masculinity can look like. That's something to be excited about.
I hope that Jose comes across this piece someway, somehow, he sounds awesome. I appreciate your vulnerability, and I commend your publication so much for having these conversations that we (STILL!!!) so desperately need to have with our youth. Beautifully written ❤️
Thank you so much for reading and this comment. The only way men will be true allies of women is if we understand how much the patriarchy also damages us, I'm hoping to make that a little clearer one word at at time
Wow, thank you for sharing and your vulnerability. There are so many Black & Brown boys/men who have experienced or are going through what Jose did. It’s truly heartbreaking to know that being your authentic self, especially as a child, can leave you ostracized.
"But somehow it seems unfair to me - look at the circumstances..." It gives me hope that in the 90s Mary J was singing about how you shouldn't cry and now she's singing about therapy!!
Stanley, your story made me laugh, cry, and question my Power Ranger loyalty all in one go. Here's to hoping Jose is out there living his best life, still rocking those painted nails and mixtapes. We should always stand up for our friends and let our true colors shine, thank you for being vulnerable!
This broke my heart- I’m imagining little Stanley and little Jose. I want to say I think it’s better for little boys now, having two little boys of my own, but I realize that only see what they show me. 💔💔💔
Oh my God. I love this day cause I stumbled upon your note and made the decision to check this out. You have one new subscriber.
I'm 22 and Nigerian and have had a similar experience as Jose all my life. I do not paint my nails but I'm effeminate (this is a word I saw and have come to know what it means two years ago and it helps that I know how to describe myself properly and not have to settle with the most disturbing adjectives some people have used for me).
Sadly, you lost something that had so much potential and I pray Jose is fine wherever he is. He knew who he was very early on and was confident which is something I wished I had when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, speculations and assumptions never hurt me. I could care less (or could I?) My family loving me and never making me uncomfortable was enough but I recently came to realise that I had allowed people's perception of me to prevent me from being my truest self. I became reserved and wouldn't want to communicate with people for long for fear of hearing those ripostes and reservations about the way I talked, gesticulated, sounded or behaved. This I hope to explain in my issue tomorrow.
After ruminating a lot about it for months, I'm beginning to take conscious steps at staying true to myself, irrespective of what strangers might think, and I'm constantly speaking out more to people who still make assumptions about men's sexuality based on how they look or speak.
Ah, it's so heartbreaking to read stories like these. My hope is that the more we share and shine a light on these missteps that we empower younger people to break this cycle of heartbreak, especially for boys and men. We all deserve better.
Stanley so many thoughts about this one. But the camp counselor’s role here and his juxtaposition to the camp being the streets is so real. So many ways to examine this. I want us all to be desperately free without causing causalities to our brothers.
Appreciate you writing this and sharing. This hit for me as a Black Dominican dude growing up in the Bronx till about HS age and working through these things as a father and husband. Thanks reveling what needs to be healed for many of us 🙏🏽 brave brotha
Oh the happenings of our youth. I hate the social conditioning from birth of what boys and girls should and shouldn’t be like. I hope Jose didn’t let the world dim his rainbow and is somewhere in the world still being his authentic self.
Thank you for reading, I hope so too.
Thank you for sharing this so vulnerably. I hope Jose is ok wherever he is. As always, love your words.
Thank you for always supporting my writing, there are Jose's everywhere, we have to make sure they know they are loved and deserving.
Love that you didn’t feel the need to put a pretty bow on this story. Thanks for sharing!
Sending love to José and little boys like him (and you) from my little corner of the world. 🫶🏿🫶🏿
Thank you for reading and the love you're sharing, it's felt and appreciated!
Whew wild how you can send your child off to camp and some adult can totally and complete shatter them with terrible advice and personal bias. Hope Jose is okay wherever he is.
Heartbreaking. For Jose and for you. And yeah, for all the boys who conformed and shut down huge parts of their potentialities and lost access to their full humanity.
Thank you for reading, we have the ability to change the narrative and the expectation of what healthy masculinity can look like. That's something to be excited about.
Yes. Here's a resource that might have some things of interest to some readers. https://xyonline.net/books/bibliography
Beautiful and heartbreaking bro 🙏🏽
“Boys and men worldwide suffer when they attempt to step out of the small box that outlines who we can be.”
I hope that Jose comes across this piece someway, somehow, he sounds awesome. I appreciate your vulnerability, and I commend your publication so much for having these conversations that we (STILL!!!) so desperately need to have with our youth. Beautifully written ❤️
Thank you so much for reading and this comment. The only way men will be true allies of women is if we understand how much the patriarchy also damages us, I'm hoping to make that a little clearer one word at at time
This was heartbreaking and powerful. I mourn
We get to be better than our elders were. I'm excited for the examples we can set
yes. I love how you captured these memories and allowed us to see it from multiple angles. what a gift.
❤️
Wow, thank you for sharing and your vulnerability. There are so many Black & Brown boys/men who have experienced or are going through what Jose did. It’s truly heartbreaking to know that being your authentic self, especially as a child, can leave you ostracized.
"But somehow it seems unfair to me - look at the circumstances..." It gives me hope that in the 90s Mary J was singing about how you shouldn't cry and now she's singing about therapy!!
Stanley, your story made me laugh, cry, and question my Power Ranger loyalty all in one go. Here's to hoping Jose is out there living his best life, still rocking those painted nails and mixtapes. We should always stand up for our friends and let our true colors shine, thank you for being vulnerable!
This broke my heart- I’m imagining little Stanley and little Jose. I want to say I think it’s better for little boys now, having two little boys of my own, but I realize that only see what they show me. 💔💔💔
Oh my God. I love this day cause I stumbled upon your note and made the decision to check this out. You have one new subscriber.
I'm 22 and Nigerian and have had a similar experience as Jose all my life. I do not paint my nails but I'm effeminate (this is a word I saw and have come to know what it means two years ago and it helps that I know how to describe myself properly and not have to settle with the most disturbing adjectives some people have used for me).
Sadly, you lost something that had so much potential and I pray Jose is fine wherever he is. He knew who he was very early on and was confident which is something I wished I had when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, speculations and assumptions never hurt me. I could care less (or could I?) My family loving me and never making me uncomfortable was enough but I recently came to realise that I had allowed people's perception of me to prevent me from being my truest self. I became reserved and wouldn't want to communicate with people for long for fear of hearing those ripostes and reservations about the way I talked, gesticulated, sounded or behaved. This I hope to explain in my issue tomorrow.
After ruminating a lot about it for months, I'm beginning to take conscious steps at staying true to myself, irrespective of what strangers might think, and I'm constantly speaking out more to people who still make assumptions about men's sexuality based on how they look or speak.
Thank you so much for this.
Thank you for reading this and I’m glad my post found you at the right time!
Ah, it's so heartbreaking to read stories like these. My hope is that the more we share and shine a light on these missteps that we empower younger people to break this cycle of heartbreak, especially for boys and men. We all deserve better.
Stanley so many thoughts about this one. But the camp counselor’s role here and his juxtaposition to the camp being the streets is so real. So many ways to examine this. I want us all to be desperately free without causing causalities to our brothers.
Appreciate you writing this and sharing. This hit for me as a Black Dominican dude growing up in the Bronx till about HS age and working through these things as a father and husband. Thanks reveling what needs to be healed for many of us 🙏🏽 brave brotha