I’m intrigued by this world you’ve created. I laughed at the Temu buying the subway idea. Mostly, I would say that you don’t have to explain yourself through your characters. Would Eric call them Air Force Ones? If not, you don’t need the parentheses. Would he call it Rikers Island or Rikers or something else? Your readers will catch up and unexplained slang will give your world a sense of lived-in authenticity.
I would happily read more of this story and this world, so keep it up.
Thanks for reading and the feedback, I like this concept so I want to play with it more. I’ll def take this for my next draft, even if I only have exists in my journal
last night I looked at the screen and it said 40 minutes for a 1 train. 40 MINUTES STANLEY. I’m not sure I can take living inside your fiction (but I did love the story)
Laughed out loud when the train was purchased by Temu! Is this your first hand at fiction? Good work man!
lol, thanks. I used to write short stories when I was In Highschool
lululemon sleeping bags!!
Lululemon looks so comfy, I don't want a future without them. Even if it's a capitalistic hellscape. Thanks for reading.
I’m intrigued by this world you’ve created. I laughed at the Temu buying the subway idea. Mostly, I would say that you don’t have to explain yourself through your characters. Would Eric call them Air Force Ones? If not, you don’t need the parentheses. Would he call it Rikers Island or Rikers or something else? Your readers will catch up and unexplained slang will give your world a sense of lived-in authenticity.
I would happily read more of this story and this world, so keep it up.
Thanks for reading and the feedback, I like this concept so I want to play with it more. I’ll def take this for my next draft, even if I only have exists in my journal
Yikes! A scary future described well. I hope you keep exploring fiction, Stanley.
Thanks for reading Diana. I had fun writing it and I want to explore some more
Being short 1500 “likes” on rent is wild! 🤯🤯🤯
This was a very fun read.
Do it because you’re good at writing fiction!
This was fun, keep it up!
last night I looked at the screen and it said 40 minutes for a 1 train. 40 MINUTES STANLEY. I’m not sure I can take living inside your fiction (but I did love the story)
When I see that I just give up and start searching for City Bikes. No point in waiting the length of a TV episode for that train. Thanks for reading!
i hope you write more fiction!
Thank you for the encouragement. I'm going to keep workshopping some idea's in my journal, and if something really catches fire, I'll share on here
Thanks for reading and the feedback!