I have a fantasy about the kind of world where sexual violence is eradicated. Where women aren't prey. Where people care for their own sexual needs without becoming predatorial on dates.
I'm one of those statistics. I never thought it would happen to me. Dating changed dramatically after that. Only meet them in the light of day. No drinks on first dates. Meet in public places only.
May we create a safer world.
(Interestingly I also wrote about a similar topic this week, about women fielding unwelcome attention)
This is real. We don’t raise boys with respect for women anymore. We allow music and pop culture to raise them which means all they know is objectification and over-sexualization.
I think you also have to consider the warping impact of feeling like you’re simultaneously supposed to be on guard and sexually interested against the same person/risk. Those two networks- survival and arousal - aren’t natural partners. It’s a tough shift to make and you can see the vast relief on women’s faces when we’re interacting with a man that we perceive as “safe”… because then we are free to relax and let whatever other response (maybe arousal, maybe something more platonic) happens, happen.
'Those two networks- survival and arousal - aren’t natural partners.'
Guys would never even think that women would have to go through that thought process. It's so important for each sex to know how the other one thinks. Our brains are so different when it comes to arousal.
That doesn't work. Keep trying and you'll create firmer beliefs in danger. Again: does the author think that banning dating will reduce sexual assaults by 35%? If so, then a social authority is in order to separate the sexes and teach them about the dangers of mingling with one another. If dating led to at 35% murder rate (and I'm not buying that 35% of dates end in rape), the same would apply. So I assume the same urgency is asked for here - the separation of the sexes until the re-education of males is complete and the establishment of the idea of absolute danger in commingling of the sexes is codified.
Islam has tried this whole separating the sexes. The countries that impose its framework are not bastions of sexual safety for women. So no, banning dating does not help.
It goes way beyond that they're not bastions of basic human rights. Afghanistan for example when it was US controlled vs. under Taliban control. Big difference.
Men are trash. Lets face it. When it comes how we treat other genders, we suck. And the more men realize that and start seeing what women have been experiencing since the dawn of patriarchy, the more things can change. The more men let go of their perceived master of the universe BS that patriarchy has them believe, the better.
I don't agree that "Men are trash." Many aren't and I like to think most aren't. Of course there are plenty of complete a/h around. It's up to the men who aren't to fix this problem.
Its so hard to challenge these beliefs within. It takes a lot of intentional work. And still there will be mistakes and missteps. But I do have hope that things can change.
My brother is in Med school, this week their studies are focusing on domestic violence and he really learned, not just by staring at statistics, how much male partners are a threat to females safety — especially when pregnant. It led to a long, thoughtful call between us. I’m grateful for people who are willing to do this type of reflection. Thank you! And I hope your four-legged son is well!
"Sweet Summer Child" took me out😂😂😂 But in all seriousness, thank you for writing THIS👏🏾👏🏾 It reminds me once again of the HORRIBLE story of the twins girls that were harassed and then assaulted with a knife by a man they rejected. One twin died from her injuries...19 YEARS OLD.As a woman, I am terrified every day of that happening to me or my daughter who travels alone to school.
I have a fantasy about the kind of world where sexual violence is eradicated. Where women aren't prey. Where people care for their own sexual needs without becoming predatorial on dates.
I'm one of those statistics. I never thought it would happen to me. Dating changed dramatically after that. Only meet them in the light of day. No drinks on first dates. Meet in public places only.
May we create a safer world.
(Interestingly I also wrote about a similar topic this week, about women fielding unwelcome attention)
This is real. We don’t raise boys with respect for women anymore. We allow music and pop culture to raise them which means all they know is objectification and over-sexualization.
Too many absent fathers. Just being there makes a big difference.
I think you also have to consider the warping impact of feeling like you’re simultaneously supposed to be on guard and sexually interested against the same person/risk. Those two networks- survival and arousal - aren’t natural partners. It’s a tough shift to make and you can see the vast relief on women’s faces when we’re interacting with a man that we perceive as “safe”… because then we are free to relax and let whatever other response (maybe arousal, maybe something more platonic) happens, happen.
'Those two networks- survival and arousal - aren’t natural partners.'
Guys would never even think that women would have to go through that thought process. It's so important for each sex to know how the other one thinks. Our brains are so different when it comes to arousal.
Your article is based on an implication you make that 35% of dates end in rape which I don't think you mean to imply.
And if you go up another one or two age groups it's even higher than that. Talk to some older women. It seems like it's over 50% to me.
If you banned dating, you'd reduce sexual assault by 35%?
There's also the option to educate people about sexual assault and teach men about consent, and boundaries.
That doesn't work. Keep trying and you'll create firmer beliefs in danger. Again: does the author think that banning dating will reduce sexual assaults by 35%? If so, then a social authority is in order to separate the sexes and teach them about the dangers of mingling with one another. If dating led to at 35% murder rate (and I'm not buying that 35% of dates end in rape), the same would apply. So I assume the same urgency is asked for here - the separation of the sexes until the re-education of males is complete and the establishment of the idea of absolute danger in commingling of the sexes is codified.
Islam has tried this whole separating the sexes. The countries that impose its framework are not bastions of sexual safety for women. So no, banning dating does not help.
It goes way beyond that they're not bastions of basic human rights. Afghanistan for example when it was US controlled vs. under Taliban control. Big difference.
This needs to be talked about more, SO many men don't get it.
Men are trash. Lets face it. When it comes how we treat other genders, we suck. And the more men realize that and start seeing what women have been experiencing since the dawn of patriarchy, the more things can change. The more men let go of their perceived master of the universe BS that patriarchy has them believe, the better.
I don't agree that "Men are trash." Many aren't and I like to think most aren't. Of course there are plenty of complete a/h around. It's up to the men who aren't to fix this problem.
Its so hard to challenge these beliefs within. It takes a lot of intentional work. And still there will be mistakes and missteps. But I do have hope that things can change.
My brother is in Med school, this week their studies are focusing on domestic violence and he really learned, not just by staring at statistics, how much male partners are a threat to females safety — especially when pregnant. It led to a long, thoughtful call between us. I’m grateful for people who are willing to do this type of reflection. Thank you! And I hope your four-legged son is well!
"Sweet Summer Child" took me out😂😂😂 But in all seriousness, thank you for writing THIS👏🏾👏🏾 It reminds me once again of the HORRIBLE story of the twins girls that were harassed and then assaulted with a knife by a man they rejected. One twin died from her injuries...19 YEARS OLD.As a woman, I am terrified every day of that happening to me or my daughter who travels alone to school.