Pro-Tips for the Summer: Don't be a Creep

Summer is approaching, lets all have fun while respecting each other

Summer is quickly approaching, and as the weather begins to get warmer, horny levels are increasing across the board. For example, according to Iammakingthisup.com, a projected 50 million US inhabitants plan to have either a "hot girl" or "City Boy" summer. As an expert on women and dating (I'm lying), I thought it would be appropriate for me to create an easy-to-use toolkit for my male readers. As you embark on your activities, there will be all kinds of temptations, I’m here to guide you with some simple things you can do to enjoy your summer while not being a creep.  

Pro tip 1: Staring - DON'T DO THAT

Have you ever crossed paths with a young lady and was blown away at how beautiful she was? Don’t be ashamed, we all have, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that someone looks good, there is something very wrong with getting weird. For example, just because you passed someone attractive, doesn’t mean you have the right to gawk, look back, make comments, or weird noises (yes, there are grown men out here making unsolicited noises when they see women). Just because you feel like you didn’t get a “good enough look” doesn’t mean you can turn around and stare after she has walked past you. That woman is a human being, you have no right to her body, don’t be weird, bro. Don't believe me? Fine, give a police officer steady eye contact for more than three seconds and see what happens, even better, turn around to get another look at that cop after they have walked past you. 

Pro tip 2: No One Likes a Fucking Stalker, so Don’t Be One

I'm going to let you in on a secret. Not many people know this, but I think I can trust you with this classified information. Are you ready? Okay, here it goes: Women don't like being followed. If you see a pretty woman on the street and you don't know her, don't follow her! Hell, even if you do know her, it's never a good idea to start following someone. 

If you're wondering why following someone is such a big deal, ask yourself this question: How would you feel if a random man started following you? Sure, he might have pure intentions, but he could also be a murderer, a New England Patriots Fan, or someone who puts sugar in his grits. When men follow women, and yes, this happens more than you think it usually doesn’t end well. So sure, you might be “harmless” but if you follow her for any period of time, it decreases her chances of ever wanting to speak to you, let alone sleep with you, by 800%. All while increasing the likelihood of her calling the police by 10,000%. Follow this advice double at night. If you're reading this and feel confused about ways to court women without creeping them out, check out this great article which provides some tips.

Pro tip 3: No One Owes You Sex

After living through a pandemic, and being stuck for months at a time, it felt like the floodgates opened up once things started to get normal. Over the last two years, we have seen a slow but steady revival of bars, restaurants, clubs, and sneaky links. Having said that, just because you're single and ready to mingle and you've been nice to a woman does not mean she owes you sex. To be clear, NO ONE OWES YOU SEX. That's right, this summer you could be at a party somewhere, dancing with someone's son or daughter, and things could be getting steamy. Maybe you decide to shoot your shot and ask them over, but they say no. Rejection might suck, but that is well within their rights. Respect the no and keep it moving. If you're not sure what "Respecting the No" looks like, here is a list of things you shouldn't do if your advances are rejected:

• Call them a tease

• Curse at them

• Get upset and walk away

• Force yourself on them

• Cry (Well, if you're alone, sure. But it's weird to cry in front of someone because they won't have sex with you)

• Get violent - violence is never the answer

Here are some things you can and should do if your sexual advances are rejected:

• Accept it.

• Move on.

• Take a cold shower.

• Go to therapy - No seriously, go to therapy!

• Go to the gym.

If you follow these rules and do the work to be an ally to women, you may not have as much sex as you planned, but you will successfully evade becoming a harasser, rapist, assaulter, stalker, or creep. Additionally, you can sleep well at night knowing that you're not the weirdo harassing women and making everyone uncomfortable. Everyone deserves to live their best lives this summer, including you. But let's try to be less shitty to women this year.