It’s Time We Started Mandatory Interventions for Online Male Radicalization

I D.A.R.E. you to give a shit.

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TW: Sexual violence, assault, and violence against women.

School shooters, on average, are 16 or 17. The vast majority of these shooters are male, and as is the case in explicit gender based violence on any scale, have at least some aspect of their motivation connected to women.

So what can we do?

We must counter one doctrine with another. We must ‘intervene before 16,’ and then throughout high school.

When I was in public BX middle school, we had the D.A.R.E program with a cop coming in every so often to tell us not to smoke weed and crack is wack and then he would handcuff kids for fun (this happened). So if we can implement that bullshit, we can implement this.

Even when violent, sexist acts don’t occur during adolescence, the foundation and normalization of these views is happening while boys are most impressionable. It’s 2024 in the USA—kids are going to have access to the internet by grade school, and in many American homes, a gun.

Here’s some background on types of online communities that promote sexism and gender based violence that exist and are easily accessible to any boy right now.

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Bianca Devins was killed by a male friend who was romantically interested in her.

Her killer was in school. He had a home to go to. He even met her father and presented as ‘normal.’ Of course, this doesn’t mean trauma can’t occur, but he had some foundation in his life, presentability, and established a friendship with Bianca over several months. Then, after a concert they attended together, where he saw she liked another boy, he drove them both home, killed her in the woods, and posted her body online.

“You’ll need to find someone else to orbit (obsess over online),” he wrote. Then, he attempted to record and post his suicide attempt but ultimately survived.

Elliot Rodger was from an upper-middle class upbringing, with divorced, but involved parents, and had started college in California. He happened to be a 22-year-old virgin. He resented his lack of sex and blamed women for it. He took months to write a manifesto, listing his grievances with women not dating and having sex with him, his parents divorce, and venting over how unfair the world was to him. Then, he posted to YouTube and various misogynistic online communities that he would commit: “A Day of Reckoning” to kill as many of the type of woman who wronged him as he could find. And then, he did just that, along with other bystanders before killing himself.

What struck me most about these stories was: it really didn’t take much.

It didn’t take much to radicalize these boys and young men to heinous acts of gender based violence.

Boys and men who commit violence based on these ideologies frequently found their introduction in the depths of the “manosphere,” which is largely comprised of “Men’s Right’s/Red Pill” and “incel” (involuntarily celibate) forums. Some would even directly cite the online communities and previous violent actors based on their ideology as “heroes,” e.g.: Elliot Rodger was referenced by the perpetrator of the Toronto van attack. But these aren’t all boys with what society may perceive as “broken” homes; they don’t all ‘stand out from other boys,’ lack care for physical appearance and hygiene, or live impoverished in some basement. These can be boys with a family at home, basic physical needs met, in school, with parents doing what many in society would consider the ‘baseline’— and still just go online, find a place that validates the worst of their anger about masculinity and sexism and be led to commit acts of violence. Or grow into a man who does the same.

With the average age for having a social media account in the US being 13, boys and young men can easily become engulfed in these forums especially during impressionable, confusing moments in their lives. We legit gotta ask ourselves: how close is any boy with access to the internet in 2024 to becoming radicalized?

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Many boys go through trauma and depression due to a litany of reasons: divorce, body image issues, questioning their masculinity, and feeling undesired. I know it because I was one of those boys.

My parents divorced before I was 12. I was born with a growth hormone deficiency (GHD), like Messi, but didn’t get the medicine when I needed it. I was, and still am short, shorter than most men and many women. I grew up with constant frustration about not feeling even in the “dateable” pool of boys. I would constantly hear girls talk about height being important throughout my adulthood, along with some boys being ‘too nice,’ ‘not aggressive enough.’ etc. This dynamic persisted even once I reached adolescence and adulthood, when I started directly asking girls out, being ‘confident,’ making funny conversation, etc. Even when I finally did date women, many still brought up or suggested these issues of ‘abnormal’ masculinity.

I felt I was doing all the things boys and men were ‘supposed to do’ and still received constant disappointment at my stature and existence as a romantic partner.

I was supposed to believe gender constraints were being broken, men could express themselves more ‘sensitively,’ and we were shifting to an era of body positivity. But all I saw was no place of acceptance for my masculinity and body in any of these reformations. With all this combined, and few people to talk to who would take me seriously, I felt very alone, frustrated, and had major depression.

But I did not internalize any sort of hatred towards women as a whole. I loved them too much. Violence and verbal abuse toward women around me seemed not only wrong, but the notion of it helping my feelings and results with dating made zero sense. Plus, if I even thought a woman was uncomfortable around me, I was uncomfortable. Many boys a part of upbringing, even those with off the block sexist fortune cookie advice, didn’t suggest the extremes seen on these forums. Manifesto? You would sound like a loser and a psychopath.

What makes someone see violence or outward verbal hatred toward women as any helpful, let alone moral, resort for their despair? What makes their social circles automatic supporters?

In order for boys and men to go from confusion to problematic thoughts to militantly misogynistic ideologies and violent actions, key ingredients are provided by these forums: a chorus of agreement and encouragement and a sense of belonging.

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What sounds insane is relative to your environment.

What was crazy at the MSE public high school lunch table in 2005-2009 Harlem may not be insane in an online forum of hundreds of thousands from around the world. With enough reinforcement, reality, and its acceptable behaviors, can change. Nonsense can sound prophetic. Especially when there is a structured doctrine.

Something like: Chads are men deemed valuable by society and women are always attracted to them and Stacys are desirable, unattainable women to non-Chads (Brads?). Yes, that is part of manosphere canon.

Further into their origins and terminology, Men’s Rights advocates and Red Pillers, took their name from “The Matrix”, believing taking the red pill translates to you following the path of ‘high value men’ and ‘alphas/wolf people’ v. ‘betas’ (weaker blue-pilled, poodle(?) men). As a true man, your main goal in life should be to embrace your inner hunter-gatherer masculinity and take down the feminism that stands in its way.

Within this world, women hold a circular presence. They are, at once, hated for a range of offenses from ignoring men to depriving men of on-demand sex, while simultaneously representing one of the only ingredients that validates masculinity in Dr. Alpha’s Wolfmen’s science diet.

These communities organically become a place for guidance as well. A place where lost, ‘weaker’ young men, these “betas,” could go to become confident, purposed “real men.” And this is the more dangerous aspect. Someone teasing a boy who is confused about “acceptable masculinity” is easier to spot. But like many cults, the manosphere initially offers a place of support for boys struggling with self-esteem. And even those who have no desire to improve it, are welcomed to join the incel community, where there is communal despair and communal women blaming.

(Influencers like Dr. Peterson come across as serious people, making his intellectualization of basic tropes more dangerous, but then, he sits next to Ben Shapiro, who is afraid of functioning vulvas)

Essentially, the manosphere and incel playbook is: either learn from the Chads to get the Stacys, or some combination of: hate them, hurt them, and give up on life. These are ideas are also recited by grown-ass men. 

It’s really like consigning your entire life’s belief system to a problematic coming-of-age 80s movie.

Why are these spaces attractive?

In 2024, men still have a hard time finding a truly safe space just to exist as they are without judgment. Many parents are not even equipped with the knowledge or support necessary to understand what being a boy in this world is like. Half of them are still understanding the reach of patriarchy themselves.

Let’s lay out the calculation for many of our young men: if everywhere else you’re a ‘pussy,’ ‘weak,’ ‘weird;’ you feel isolated—and then a community rolls up, really the only one for men you can find. And that community says: “Yeah, these behaviors may be ‘Beta,’ but we’ll support you, hear you, give you tough love, and turn you into an ‘Alpha.’ That may sound appealing. And, without clear alternatives, what have you got to lose? Before you know it—that kid or young adult just found their only refuge.

That boy, with no intervention, will normalize those views and take them into high school, college, and beyond.

Thousands of boys and men believe this. Boys become men who believe this. We need to address these dangerous ideologies and groups and offer clear, accessible alternatives.

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We must implement intervention workshops for students and parents to prevent boys from being radicalized into these online communities.

Example curriculum: “Do you,” or for parents, “It’s 10 pm, does your child:”

• Show signs of “gateway drugs,” e.g. “bitches are the source of my misery, etc.?”

• Show examples of what an addict looks like, e.g. constantly repeating the same basic ass shit about “Stacys and Chads”or “Alphas and Betas” or “Andrew Tate said?”

• Stay on online communities for hours on end and lack in-person, meaningful friendships?

• Constantly obsess over not being able to find a girlfriend?

• Express feelings of inferiority and hatred toward the world at large?

Then, as these programs always do with drugs, end with what the dramatic consequences are: mass shootings, loneliness, death.

It’s not that all these behaviors lead to violence. But any of them, especially in conjunction, without intervention, therapy, and/or meaningful support, make a vulnerable boy susceptible to online sources of ‘help,’ which have ulterior motives and dangerous ideologies and see him as their prime audience. To paraphrase Elliot Rodger’s father looking back at his child: we need to look out for these signs better because the combination is a pattern.

America is long overdue to have meaningful, mandatory sexual and relationship health classes. We also need curricula and informative learning spaces starting at this age group that:

• Teaches how true interpretations of feminism can aid and heal wounds of longstanding, harmful interpretations of masculinity.

• Acknowledges the legitimate frustrations of many boys who may seek these online communities for support.

• Exchanges these forums for a welcoming space, which allows boys and men to channel that frustration into the root causes: gender constraints and patriarchy, which can be perpetuated by anyone. Including women in their lives.

As a male facilitator on sexism once told me, if you’re creating a true space to help: ‘take the opportunity to call men in, not out.’

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(Prince is alternative masculinity at the highest level. We must allow for ‘little Princes’ in our everyday lives, regardless if they can play 37 instruments, who dress, look, and talk different —and are equally men deserving of care and respect)

We must create and accept alternatives for men. As bell hooks, points out in The Will to Change, that second part is as important as the first and frequently neglected. Create spaces that accepts boys as they are. Where boys can just “be”—not where “boys will be boys.” Rooms that redact sexism and misogyny as a default component of boys’ childhood and adolescence. This means listening, without judgement, to their laments, confusion, depression, awkwardness, and expectations, regarding sex and connection with women, and the complexities of masculinity in our day and age. These spaces must exist in schools, community—and most importantly, in the home.

Support them—guiding them to the other road: one of compassion, hope, future, and development. When they only have one road, we already know where that can go.