It Was All a Dream: Juicy and My Hip Hop Journey
Welcome to the Black Album: A series of essays using songs to reflect on politics, sex, life, patriarchy and whatever else comes up.
Song Title: Juicy
Artist: Notorious B.I.G. AKA Biggie Smalls, AKA Frank White
Producers: Jean “Poke” Oliver, Sean “Diddy” Combs
Vocals: Total
Engineer: Mario Rodriguez
Writer: Notorious B.I.G.
Spotify Playlist:
The first time I heard the song, “Juicy '' I was 9 years old, and at my friend Kwane’s house. Kwane was a skinny kid with a serious face, round eyes, messy braids on top of his head, and a passion for music I am only now able to appreciate. He was one of my best friends, so more often than not I would spend the weekends at his place. While most boys would play video games, and fight, that wasn’t really Kwane’s ministry. He was a creative soul who wanted to spend his time on the things that brought him joy, and the number one joy maker in his life was music. As a result, we would spend hours at a time listening to, writing, or talking about it. Sometimes we would talk through entire albums, highlighting our favorite lyrics, parts of the beat we loved, or end up debating about what the artist could have done better.
Other times, we would be so blown away by what we were hearing there was nothing else to do but sit in silence and allow the song to take us wherever it wanted. I credit Kwane for putting me on to artists like Mary J Blige, Aliyah, Luther Vandross, and Lenny Williams. Everytime I went to his house, he had something new for me to listen to, and it was always a breath of fresh air! At home, the stereo was dominated by my father and his endless collection of Soca, Kompa, and Calypso music. As an Afro-Caribbean kid growing up in the states, I wasn’t interested in listening to the Mighty Sparrow, Alan Cave or the United Sisters. I would die with embarrassment whenever friends would come over, and immediately be welcomed by a tipsy father in his undies jamming to “dolla wine.” Kwane gave me the tools to show up to school with knowledge on what the “regular kids were listening to.” Which brings me to “Juicy”
When I finally heard it, I was at Kwane’s house for the weekend. We were creating an imaginary artist and had to ghost write their album. Until then, we had only done R&B artists , but earlier that month, Kwane went to the studio with his big sister, and her boyfriend let him play with the beat machine. We couldn’t really write R&B songs with the kind of beats he was trying to make, so he wanted to do hip hop. Unfortunately, the only rap songs I knew were C.R.E.A.M from Wu Tang, and a song by a guy that was “trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents.” I didn't have the range. He assured me that this song would give me all of the skills I needed. That boy told not a single lie!
Juicy for those who don’t know, was Biggie’s first crossover hit, and arguably one of the greatest hip hop records of all time. It’s a come up story, driven by a sample from Mtume’s 1983 hit single, “Juicy Fruit.” Biggie used the infectious beat to tell a rags to riches story that spoke to me in a way no other song had before. Sure, Biggie rapped about guns and drugs, but if you really listen to his music, what you really hear is a dreamer. He painted pictures of the world he wanted to be in with his words. I felt like I could see what he was saying, and It lit a fire in me. I wanted that power for myself. The ability to articulate my wildest dreams so clearly that other people would be touched by it. I wanted to be able to take people on the journey that his words took me on, leave people with a new perspective, and I wanted to do it with Biggies Flair! Honestly, if I could master his ability, and then turn it into something that works for me, I would have been the happiest man in the world. That song sparked a flame that’s been blazing ever since.
Although considered a legend, Big only put out two albums, “Ready to Die” was like nothing I had ever heard before, and he was murdered before “Life After Death” came out. We could all tell that the album was going to take him to another level, you could feel the energy in the air. It’s too bad we’ll never know what could have been. What I do know is how I felt when he died. I found out the day after it happened, it was on the front page of the newspaper. When I got home from school, I turned the radio on to Hot97 (97.1FM). Angie Martinez was taking calls from listeners and sharing stories about biggie. It was a dark time. Suddenly, the dream of using my words to do what Biggie did wasn’t so appealing anymore. Not if somebody had to die.
Thankfully, like any good song, there is no escaping it, the music will follow you wherever you go. I reconnected with hip hop a little over a month after I tried to walk away from it. Our re-introduction happened randomly. It was the first warm day of the year, so everybody was outside. I was playing skelly in front of my building with a couple of friends when Kwane showed up. He came equipped with a cheesy grin and a Walkman. I knew him well enough by then to know it must be really a good song if he’s smiling that hard. It was. At first I resisted, I was happy in my new reality with no rap music, I was ready for a world full of my dad’s corny reggae and soca songs. But where would the fun in that be?
I put the headphones on and braced myself, the beat dropped and the fire was back. I love all forms of music, but every genre speaks to me differently. Hip Hop is the genre that speaks to my soul. For as long as I can remember, I have had this deep desire to shake up the world. For a long time much of my advocacy work was driven by this. A primal desire to “do good” and make a difference so that others can be better. The other half of that is, if you can do that, you will live forever. I don’t think it is healthy to do advocacy work in an effort to be seen, no matter how good the intentions may be in the beginning, that can easily lead to ego centered, and unproductive outcomes. But with my writing, I can think, challenge, learn, and create in ways that may go further than I could ever reach. And even if I never get there in reality, I can construct the world where it happens. All because of a fire sample, and an amazing rapper. Rest In Peace, Big.