If Not Now, When? From Brooklyn Subways to Broken Leadership"

If you're not gonna make a move, get the hell out of the way

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I’d like to share a short story about an interaction I had when I was in high school. I think it was my junior year. I was on the swim team and we were on our way to a meet against one of the best teams in the city. We were a bunch of kids from East New York, Brooklyn, and we had to take the train and navigate our way from a neighborhood we knew very well into an entirely new terrain. If you’re familiar with the NYC subway system, congratulations, this should be simple to understand. For the rest of you, think of it this way. The subway system is broken up into different color lines, my neighborhood including my high-school was next to the red and Blue lines. My team and I had to make our way to Bay Ridge Brooklyn, which was on the Orange and yellow lines.

This change of environment added a layer of excitement to our commute we weren’t used to. We spent the ride admiring what Brooklyn had to show us outside of East New York, Brownsville and Flatbush. During our commute a girl entered our moderately empty train cart. To my 15-year-old eyes She was the most beautiful thing to ever walk this earth. She had light brown skin, with round hazel eyes, long eye-lashes, and wavy black hair that went down to her back. She complemented her looks with a hot pink baby phat bubble coat to keep her warm. Simply put, she was my ideal woman. But out interaction was different than what I was accustomed to.

Usually when I showed interest in a girl particularly around that age they were not very interested in me, to quote the great DMX, “when a nigga hopeful and love sick boy told a joke the bitches young ladies, didn’t laugh.” But when we made eye contact she smiled kindly.

It was obvious to anyone who was paying attention and no one, but me and her were paying attention that she was hoping that I would speak to her. With luck on my side, and the chance to get the attention of a beautiful girl I chose to be passive and keep talking to my friends.

This decision doesn’t make sense, but in hindsight, I was afraid. I was afraid that if I walked over to her, and tries to start a conversation, she would reject me. It’s kind of funny now that I think about it me and my friends kept playing along and every couple of minutes or so, I would look in her direction and she would look back at me urging for me to do something.

She didn’t say any words, but I could tell from her body language. She was looking for me to make a move and as much as I wanted to the fear cripple me. I finally told myself that if she didn’t get off at the next stop, I would say something I don’t remember what the stop was but it arrived she got up looked at me, smiled and walked off the train. My teammate Eli was shocked by my inaction.

The rest of the team looked at me to find out what happened and I was too embarrassed to admit that I was afraid to talk to her so I came up with a shitty lie, saying that “she wasn’t my type” Unfortunately, Eli, was born at night just not last night so he wasn’t willing accept my weak attempt at gaslighting everyone. He laughed out loud and said “Stan if you’re not gonna shoot the ball, pass it because one of us would have happily spoken to her.

At this point, I hope you’re wondering why this story is important, but stick with me, there’s a point to be made here.

There’s something that young Stanley learned in that moment; when the opportunity strikes, you should take it, if you are in a position to do something you should, if you have a position of power, you should weird that power. And if you don’t, you are wasting yours, and everyone else’s time. I had the power to express my interest to this young lady and maybe get her phone number, back then it would’ve been a big deal for me. Maybe after a few awkward conversations we would go on a date, probably not, because I was dirt poor. But who knows?! The point is, inaction where action is necessary helps no one.

It’s a lesson that I carry with me to this day, if there is an opportunity, take it it’s OK to be afraid but you have to take opportunities. You have to step into your own power and if you’re not willing to do that, that’s OK as well but then you can’t ask to be put in those positions and you have to step aside so other people can take the shot.

I’ve been thinking about the inability to show up a lot lately, especially as I look at the way the Democratic Party has failed to show up over the last seven months. We have had Trump since January. We are well into the summer And despite the Trump administration making moves that have targeted vulnerable communities, attacked our way of life, used military force to throw people in jail and now started wars. The Democratic party consistently continues to be static. But even that’s a lie. Since Trump has stepped into office, I have read stories about Democrats upset that they’re constituents are demanding they do something, I have watched empty displays of resistance followed by aggressive fund-raising demands. Those fundraising demands have been followed by silence while genocide has occurred, or support of the people perpetuating harm.

Against Donald Trump they’re passive, they claim to have no power they claim there is nothing they can do. They don’t stand up for anything, but when they see a threat coming from someone who is politics is to the left, for example, Zohran Mandan, they lash out they bare their claws, they have the energy to fight. It reminds me of the 15-year old version of Stanley. When an opportunity to level up approached me, I would feign helplessness, but if broken cycles, toxic people, or harmful relationships presented themselves, I was all in and ready to go.

I had to let go of that version of myself in order to grow. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. I was a powerless child struggling with choices I wasn’t accustomed to, while navigating a world where I was trying to figure out who I was. What’s the Democratic parties excuse? They have millions of dollars, Hundreds of people in n elected office, and an endless array of resources to show up for the moment. Yet every time I turn around, they’re making excuses. Is this who they are meant to be?

If so, that’s ok, but like young Stanley had to learn, you don’t get to have power, or opportunities and do nothing with it. Maybe it’s time to clean house. These aren’t children with silly and fleeting infatuations on the R train. These are the people we elected to lead us, and they are failing miserably. They might not have what it takes for the moment.