What a powerful essay. Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. You have such a beautiful way of exploring life’s gray areas and putting them on paper. For the first time, since this whole Diddy madness, I feel a glimmer of hope for a way forward -collectively. Thank you
Brother, I’m sorry you had to experience this violence and pain. In meeting you in person for the short time we did, I just want to say how much of a light you are. We are survivors. I wish our parents, them being Haitian, loved us the way we needed. I wish they also received the love they needed too. I know you made comments about parenting, but I think this work we are doing gives me hope that the cycle of abuse you and me experienced gets to end with us. While we are not our traumas, our lives gets to be testimonies.
I’ve been saving this to read quietly and privately and a few times over. You recognized her eyes. You chose her. What I love about this piece is that you take us into the darkness—and then you carry us out. But it’s so tangled when grown ups are saving you even as they hurt you: it takes years to make that make sense, or at least to see the humanity in everyone. I’m so glad you are here, living this example. Thank you for this work. Please keep it up.
Powerful and moving Stanley. Just like addiction—abuse moves through family generations like a wrecking ball. Hurt people learn to hurt people. Until we can break the cycle—and tear down the stigma—it will continue.
This was written and articulated so beautifully. First, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your experiences. Black men were raised as black boys to be a strong as steel and it’s sad to see the different paths that leads us as a culture. I have been on the receiving end of an embarrassing number of men’s fist in my twenties. Men that I lived with, that I viewed as a longer at some point. It’s not always easy to leave but it’s not easy staying either. I commend you for the side you were forced to pick regardless of a bro code. To me, watching Diddy is like the Cosby trial and even R. Kelly. These men gave black boys hope to be accepted by the world for those black boys to now grow up watching our culture heros turn out to be villains. It’s a sad thing for our culture but I personally believe it’s the blessing our generation was praying for. Our abusers became their abusers, and some of us became our abusers if not continuing the cycle of being abused. At what generation will it stop? How many more black boys and girls have to be abused for us to make a change? We are the new adults now right? Aren’t we finally old enough to say stop and it mean stop? If not us then who will make them stop? Wow this is amazing Stanley!
Thank you for this beautiful comment, I feel like you were able to capture so much of what I have been processing here. I really appreciate the time you took to read the post, and then share your thoughts.
Some trauma that we experience can change us for the worse. It can harden our hearts. I appreciate that you have put in work to create change in yourself and thereby all whom you touch. I am happy that you found a village to embrace you and help facilitate that change.
Stanley, this essay is amazing. I don’t even have words fully formed to say how much it means to me that you’ve shared your personal experiences here. I’m honored to bear witness 🖤❤️🩹
Thank you so much Rose, this was a long one, I appreciate you making time for this, you know I respect the hell out of your pen. And thank you for your friendship and fellowship
I am so moved by your post that I don’t even know what to say. Thank you for vulnerably sharing such an important part of you, and for showing us how it’s made you such an active ally to women (and all victims, I’m sure) today. It is always such a privilege to see men like you in my periphery.
Thank you for this. For your vulnerability and baring of wounds to bring light to the bigger picture.
Sometimes I move through the world forgetting and then something like this video surfacing, brings me to my knees.
To have been a child bearing witness and body to domestic violence and abuse from the womb and then “father figures,” one after the other, in and out, I still can’t believe how differently my path has gone… or how I still have to work out the trauma in my body in moments that surprise me.
Thank you for writing this! Abuse is so common and it’s not easy to be open about these experiences. Very sorry you went through these things. I’m also glad you’ve been able to find healing and accountability overtime. I hope this piece reaches those who are searching for your words.
So deeply impacted by your words, Stanley. Thank you for your willingness to share these pieces of your life. My heart & body ache with the pain of our world. And yet, when I read your words I feel ease knowing that so many of us want to transform our own hurt, pain, & abuse into empowerment for our current selves, future selves, & those we love & support around us. 🙌🏼🫂
This is one of the most powerful texts I’ve read. Thank you so much, there are so many men that I also know who have similar experience as you, but they don’t talk about it nor do they even know how to. I think one of the hardest things is also a perspective for men to come out of that cycle of violence like diddy. The problem is that violence repressed and when used in capitalism it builds resistance towards feeling empathy, you have to close off parts of yourself. It’s just really complicated (seeing my father and a friend of mine clearly before my eyes). Again thank you so much for your vulnerability!
This is truly sentimental and brilliantly written. I’m sorry for the heavy trauma you endured. I admire the courageous effort you took to share your uneasy experiences and sharing your voice on how messed up society has continued to excuse abusive patterns. We Love to hear the steps you been taking for yourself too. Thank you for being here.
Stanley, I was so moved by your post. Thank you for your courage. And your decency. And the hope you provide. If we get help and do our personal work we can heal and break the cycle of abuse. What happens to so many children: It is shocking. And devastating. Please know I see and hear you, can feel your trauma, and feel your strength and resilience.
What a powerful essay. Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. You have such a beautiful way of exploring life’s gray areas and putting them on paper. For the first time, since this whole Diddy madness, I feel a glimmer of hope for a way forward -collectively. Thank you
Brother, I’m sorry you had to experience this violence and pain. In meeting you in person for the short time we did, I just want to say how much of a light you are. We are survivors. I wish our parents, them being Haitian, loved us the way we needed. I wish they also received the love they needed too. I know you made comments about parenting, but I think this work we are doing gives me hope that the cycle of abuse you and me experienced gets to end with us. While we are not our traumas, our lives gets to be testimonies.
Thank you fam, it’s been a blessing meeting and getting to know you. I really appreciate this message
I’ve been saving this to read quietly and privately and a few times over. You recognized her eyes. You chose her. What I love about this piece is that you take us into the darkness—and then you carry us out. But it’s so tangled when grown ups are saving you even as they hurt you: it takes years to make that make sense, or at least to see the humanity in everyone. I’m so glad you are here, living this example. Thank you for this work. Please keep it up.
Powerful and moving Stanley. Just like addiction—abuse moves through family generations like a wrecking ball. Hurt people learn to hurt people. Until we can break the cycle—and tear down the stigma—it will continue.
Thank you for making time to read my post @Dee, and you are so right with your connection of Abuse and addiction. Thank you for that!
This was written and articulated so beautifully. First, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your experiences. Black men were raised as black boys to be a strong as steel and it’s sad to see the different paths that leads us as a culture. I have been on the receiving end of an embarrassing number of men’s fist in my twenties. Men that I lived with, that I viewed as a longer at some point. It’s not always easy to leave but it’s not easy staying either. I commend you for the side you were forced to pick regardless of a bro code. To me, watching Diddy is like the Cosby trial and even R. Kelly. These men gave black boys hope to be accepted by the world for those black boys to now grow up watching our culture heros turn out to be villains. It’s a sad thing for our culture but I personally believe it’s the blessing our generation was praying for. Our abusers became their abusers, and some of us became our abusers if not continuing the cycle of being abused. At what generation will it stop? How many more black boys and girls have to be abused for us to make a change? We are the new adults now right? Aren’t we finally old enough to say stop and it mean stop? If not us then who will make them stop? Wow this is amazing Stanley!
Thank you for this beautiful comment, I feel like you were able to capture so much of what I have been processing here. I really appreciate the time you took to read the post, and then share your thoughts.
Of course! This was a great read Stanley!
Some trauma that we experience can change us for the worse. It can harden our hearts. I appreciate that you have put in work to create change in yourself and thereby all whom you touch. I am happy that you found a village to embrace you and help facilitate that change.
This is a beautiful, vulnerable, piece.
I love a man who looks within.🩵
Thank you for reading and sharing
Stanley, this essay is amazing. I don’t even have words fully formed to say how much it means to me that you’ve shared your personal experiences here. I’m honored to bear witness 🖤❤️🩹
Thank you so much Rose, this was a long one, I appreciate you making time for this, you know I respect the hell out of your pen. And thank you for your friendship and fellowship
I am so moved by your post that I don’t even know what to say. Thank you for vulnerably sharing such an important part of you, and for showing us how it’s made you such an active ally to women (and all victims, I’m sure) today. It is always such a privilege to see men like you in my periphery.
Thank you Zefqn, I’m not perfect, but I’m trying. Sometimes the world feels crazy so I try to lean in on being the change I want to see.
Thank you for this. For your vulnerability and baring of wounds to bring light to the bigger picture.
Sometimes I move through the world forgetting and then something like this video surfacing, brings me to my knees.
To have been a child bearing witness and body to domestic violence and abuse from the womb and then “father figures,” one after the other, in and out, I still can’t believe how differently my path has gone… or how I still have to work out the trauma in my body in moments that surprise me.
But it’s worth it to keep the cycle broken.
Thank you for writing this! Abuse is so common and it’s not easy to be open about these experiences. Very sorry you went through these things. I’m also glad you’ve been able to find healing and accountability overtime. I hope this piece reaches those who are searching for your words.
Wow, thank you for telling your story. What a valuable and insightful read.
Thank you so much
So deeply impacted by your words, Stanley. Thank you for your willingness to share these pieces of your life. My heart & body ache with the pain of our world. And yet, when I read your words I feel ease knowing that so many of us want to transform our own hurt, pain, & abuse into empowerment for our current selves, future selves, & those we love & support around us. 🙌🏼🫂
Thank you so much for reading. The world is a scary place, if we want it to be different we have to be the change we want to see. This is my offering
Yes. It shows!
This is one of the most powerful texts I’ve read. Thank you so much, there are so many men that I also know who have similar experience as you, but they don’t talk about it nor do they even know how to. I think one of the hardest things is also a perspective for men to come out of that cycle of violence like diddy. The problem is that violence repressed and when used in capitalism it builds resistance towards feeling empathy, you have to close off parts of yourself. It’s just really complicated (seeing my father and a friend of mine clearly before my eyes). Again thank you so much for your vulnerability!
This is truly sentimental and brilliantly written. I’m sorry for the heavy trauma you endured. I admire the courageous effort you took to share your uneasy experiences and sharing your voice on how messed up society has continued to excuse abusive patterns. We Love to hear the steps you been taking for yourself too. Thank you for being here.
Heartbreaking ... and hopeful... thanks for being so open. A lot to think about.
Thank you for reading!
Stanley, I was so moved by your post. Thank you for your courage. And your decency. And the hope you provide. If we get help and do our personal work we can heal and break the cycle of abuse. What happens to so many children: It is shocking. And devastating. Please know I see and hear you, can feel your trauma, and feel your strength and resilience.
Thank you so much for reading and this kind message. I we can break the cycle if we work together.