what a beautiful and vulnerable share <3 and with everything you are feeling you are amongst so many other humans, beyond the binaries of men and women, who all long to belong. i am happy you found belonging in you. keep going xoxo
"And until I learned to love myself, and believe that I was enough, I would constantly be chasing fulfillment in all of the wrong places."
This is really the heart of it. In my 20s, that was me too. Desperate to be loved, wanting to feel like I mattered. Learning to love myself has freed me completely.
I almost feel like having a 'Cherrel' romance is a coming of age thing in our early 20s.
Even my partner has told me stories of a guy who did something similar to her, only to pop back up years later and think there was something still there.
And I know - I know - I have my own unfortunate story from when I was 21. It's one of the most miserable lessons learned at the time, but looking back on it, I'm almost glad it happened. I learned a lot from that short-lived relationship and the extended strife that came with it.
Thanks for getting me thinking this morning, Stanley!
Let me preface this with saying: I honestly don't know. But let me speculate a little...
I feel like there's this idea that when love is 'right' or 'fated' its supposed to be easy and perfect and smooth. These ideas of destiny or being meant to be can kinda muddy the waters on what love really is in the rough reality of it all.
I think that's kne facet of the way that we often don't really ~understand~ what love is. I mean, we understand it in that we can experience it, we can fall into it, and we know what it is when we feel it.
But there aren't many people who are taught how to make love work when nothing around it is, or what it means for love to be healthy. And I wonder if we aren't taught that not because of some taboo but because most people aren't educated in that.
There's been a big push for sex education (which I 100% support), but I don't think there's a big push for romantic/relationship education. Idk if that would fix things, but I do know more kids than we as a society would be willing to admit probably don't have the greatest role models in love. That's not to point fingers, but more to just say... we're the children of people who didn't understand it, so we don't understand it either a lot of the time. Sometimes you learn by doing, and learning by doing isn't all bad, but it can be a lot messier. Maybe our lessons learned in our 20s is how we break the cycle for the kids who come after us. Or maybe that's wishful thinking.
(Again, I don't actually know if this is the case, but it's what I'm thinking at least 😅)
what a beautiful and vulnerable share <3 and with everything you are feeling you are amongst so many other humans, beyond the binaries of men and women, who all long to belong. i am happy you found belonging in you. keep going xoxo
"And until I learned to love myself, and believe that I was enough, I would constantly be chasing fulfillment in all of the wrong places."
This is really the heart of it. In my 20s, that was me too. Desperate to be loved, wanting to feel like I mattered. Learning to love myself has freed me completely.
I feel like we all need to write a “in my 20’s” coming of age essay. Thanks for reading!
Lol. So true. My 20s were a mess, but make a great story to learn/teach from. A cautionary tale?
I almost feel like having a 'Cherrel' romance is a coming of age thing in our early 20s.
Even my partner has told me stories of a guy who did something similar to her, only to pop back up years later and think there was something still there.
And I know - I know - I have my own unfortunate story from when I was 21. It's one of the most miserable lessons learned at the time, but looking back on it, I'm almost glad it happened. I learned a lot from that short-lived relationship and the extended strife that came with it.
Thanks for getting me thinking this morning, Stanley!
Thanks for reading fam, why do you think so many of us have a story like this?
Let me preface this with saying: I honestly don't know. But let me speculate a little...
I feel like there's this idea that when love is 'right' or 'fated' its supposed to be easy and perfect and smooth. These ideas of destiny or being meant to be can kinda muddy the waters on what love really is in the rough reality of it all.
I think that's kne facet of the way that we often don't really ~understand~ what love is. I mean, we understand it in that we can experience it, we can fall into it, and we know what it is when we feel it.
But there aren't many people who are taught how to make love work when nothing around it is, or what it means for love to be healthy. And I wonder if we aren't taught that not because of some taboo but because most people aren't educated in that.
There's been a big push for sex education (which I 100% support), but I don't think there's a big push for romantic/relationship education. Idk if that would fix things, but I do know more kids than we as a society would be willing to admit probably don't have the greatest role models in love. That's not to point fingers, but more to just say... we're the children of people who didn't understand it, so we don't understand it either a lot of the time. Sometimes you learn by doing, and learning by doing isn't all bad, but it can be a lot messier. Maybe our lessons learned in our 20s is how we break the cycle for the kids who come after us. Or maybe that's wishful thinking.
(Again, I don't actually know if this is the case, but it's what I'm thinking at least 😅)