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In wake of Andrew Tate’s arrest for twice as many federal counts as the Yankees have championships, I hope some of those who follow him (tots) and take red pill doses are rethinking if this, truly, is their King. But there is a more widespread problem within the manosphere, that has been sending men in the wrong direction long before it even existed.
The primary romantic, dating advice for men falls down two paths:
Appeal to her best (decency). Appeal to her worst (Tater and Tots).
Gentlemen, I implore you to appeal to her best.
You’ve heard the advice: Negging. Compliment with an insult.
“Hey you look pretty—if you wore better fitting clothes, you’d look even prettier/if you dressed more modestly, you’d look better.” etc. etc. verbal basura.
Appealing to insecurities. Teasing her. To bring her down, so you can build her back up.
Making her feel small. Asserting your dominance. The ‘extended neg’ “yeah you’re probably the type of hot girl who needs (insert smooth brained diagnosis of her needs)’
And other greatest hits:
Putting other women down
‘You’re not like other girls.’
‘I bet all your friends secretly hate you for…’
And ‘beta’ men in your radius. So you can stand out.
‘Hey ‘I bet that guy thought he had a chance.’
‘Look at that loser over there…’
Gentlemen, do a less remedial approach:
Appeal to her passions. To what lights her up. What makes her feel alive, ignited. Be her upper, not her downer.
Any man could put her down. You will just add to a long line of men in her life that did that. Don’t you care about being just another one? Another Basic Boy?
This isn’t being ‘nice.’ Nice is passive and hallow.
This is kind, empowering, believing, caring, providing, making her feel safe, not just protected in a moment to show you can.
If you are not a man of character, you look at ‘getting’ a woman. At ‘getting sex.’ You see sex and any relations with a woman as something to be taken from someone, not shared and enjoyed mutually and considerately.
And the strategy to ‘get’ is simple: ‘whatever works and requires the least emotional and physical effort. And, if I give any measurable effort, I am owed; she has a role to fulfill.’
"Not, “I’m just doing this, whatever effort and gestures ‘this’ is, because I really like her.”
This is what is reinforced by the manosphere and red pill ideology. Women are a simple equation to be solved, dominated, and signaled as prizes demonstrative of masculinity—to other men.
The problem for lots of boys and men is that both of these paths, all of these behaviors, can lead to a ‘successful’ outcome—if a large part of success for men is romantic interest from women. To paraphrase bell hooks: many of us were raised in places that believe love and abuse can coexist. Our young boys and men are seeing the Tates, HS Tikky Tokky’s, Dan Blizerian, with money, women, and respect by other men. And let’s face it; it’s not just famous people—it’s the popular kids in high school and college. We all have and have seen, heard, watched media depictions of, countless stories of the ‘jock’ the bully, the popular, arrogant, affluent boy have ample dates and experiences with girls and women.
And so have the women they are with. We all breathe the same tainted air.
But there are many roads to intimacy, relationships, and romantic encounters with women. We must be honest with our men. Yes, sometimes men who treat women awfully also get one of life’s most beautiful rewards: intimacy with a woman you’re attracted to and whose company you truly enjoy. There are men who catcall women, even follow them down the damn street, who might even get their number, date, and relationship origin story. This is also frequently a street harassment and catch a case origin story. How you move with women is part of your reputation as a man.
You need to ask yourself: ‘Do I want to date women or do I want to get them?’ Do I spend time with women only to gain clout with men? Are you a man of your convictions or a man who seeks validation from internet strangers?
Which path you choose to relationships with women depends on which type of man you want to be.
Are you your own man or are you Tate’s man (a tot).
When do you tell the woman you meet and want intimacy with that Myron Gains told you to tell her female vagina that it is disgusting? (As opposed to Dementor vaginas)?
If you want meaningful relationships with women, meaningful physical intimacy with women, even in casual relationships, none of that exists through appealing to her worst. Weakness is used in battle, in that equation you are only seeking victory from an opponent’s loss. Battle in relationships is putting her down so you can feel up. Dominant. Victorious. But you think she’s cute and want to take her to Gelato World. Not take Normandy. Wake the fuck up.
You won’t build any healthy relationship with women with a foundation of diminishing and damage. No house ever stood that way. Only strong foundations of trust do— building up. If you want love, a girlfriend, or even a content casual partner how the fuck does listening to people who find pussy disgusting and support repealing the 19th amendment and putting women in gulags factor into that? Is your plan to hate fuck your life away? No? Might want to listen elsewhere for ideas then.
Be a man in the best way. Use your words to uplift, create humor over humiliation, eroticism over sexism. Use your brain to keep things both spontaneous and consistent. Use your hands to touch, tease, and don’t miss stairway one roof access. And use your presence to protect, promote, and pamper her.
While expecting some level of the reciprocity you can enjoy.
Be your own man if you ever want a healthy relationship with your own, actual IRL girlfriend.
I know that before you even get the opportunity to do these, there may be things that don’t go your way. But a boy takes the L as a loss; a man takes it as a lesson.
And last I checked, sore losers ain’t winners.
